my shit smells like andre
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
