I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
