i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
