dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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