I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
