i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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