i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
