i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
