Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
