I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize