Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
