I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
