I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am full of burrito and curiosity
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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