You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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