is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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