we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
