Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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