don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
