he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
