youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No stitches, just platelets and will power
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
