sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
