I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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