It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
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you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
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No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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