Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
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