I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
