Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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