Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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