I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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