I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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