I'm going to rape someone's good day.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just forgot I was standing up.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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