help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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