I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
