The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
