OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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