There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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