I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
