my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
