Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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