I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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