gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she told me i tasted like america
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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