It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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