ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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