In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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