): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
