we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
