giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
