ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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