Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
