Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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