rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
