Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize