I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
