My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
