what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
