the condom got lost in my hair
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
