his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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