She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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