he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
where does the pee come out of this thing
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
