Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
