your parents love me but you hate me
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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