I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
