wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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