Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
