Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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