I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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