I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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