my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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