I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
