Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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