Need sex. Gaining weight.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
