I puked a lego.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
