Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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