There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
