I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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