Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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