No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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