it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
