apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
