you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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