So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Never joke about your clitoris.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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