On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
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Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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