after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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