I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
